The Giving Tree

 I normally don't rate children's books, but this was just awful. 

I remember seeing this in the library as a kid, but because I didn't like to read much I never picked it up. Shel Silverstens' poetry books were fun and interesting to listen to in my elementary school, so when my son brought this home from his school library I was kind of excited. It would be new for the both of us. I had heard some not so favorable critics without much of an explanation as to why they disliked it, but "hey, we'll give it a chance."

A boy and an apple tree. She, the tree, was happy when the boy played around her, climbed into her branches, eat the apples she produced, and slept in her shade; he even carves his "Me + T" with a heart around it, like people do. (Okay, that's sweet.) But then he grows up and she is sad. He comes back older and she asks if he'll play like he used to. But no, he's too busy and wants money. "Can you give me money?" (My thoughts: "We'll he's a selfish brat. I hope he learns a lesson.") "No, but you can take my apples and sell them for money." ("Okay...") So he does and leaves. "And she's happy." (Alright...) He comes back again and again and she keeps giving, he branches so he can build a house, her trunk so he can build a boat, and now she is left seriously only being a stump. ("What the heck, book?!)

By the time he said he wanted a boat, my son started crying. He didn't want to finish it because now this kind tree has given everything and now she is practically nothing. "He killed her," my son said. I'm like, "Yeah, what the crap." 

At the end, he comes back as an old, hunched man and (not even apologizing) ends up sitting on her, the stump, so he can rest. "And she's happy." 

No, she's not happy. She has used up everything that she has--he has literally chopped her down--to "help" this ungrateful boy. Yes, he played and had fun at the beginning, but all he did was take and take and take and gave nothing in return. Ever. The tree's thought process was pretty much, "If he's around, it's enough." No the heck it's not. For a small moment of him being a child, he was kind, but decades pass without him around and when he does, all he wants is a little "some'em some'em" and that's enough for her. No. He is a toxic, abusive person who only wants money, houses, boats, and he literally sits on her in the end. He uses and abuses her. 

I've seen enough ladies around me who are being abused domestically, some don't know how to get out, some refuse to see it as abuse saying "I can change him" or "If I give more he'll love me like he used to" or "I'm here for the kids" or whatever other variation there is. That is exactly what this tree is doing. She's giving permission to be used and abused and, again, literally chopped down. She's no longer a tree! 

Women, and men, all over the place give up so much of their energy, time, at points their whole being for the relationships in their life. For mom's and dad's, we give so much even bringing them into the world where we have the high possibility of dying. We stay up late. We get up early. But for the most part, there is a constant love from our children which makes it all worth it. There are constantly times that let us know that having kids is worth it. We watch the children become men and women and have children of their own. We get things back. We get time and Mother's Day and Father's Day cards and weird paintings or drawings or super odd play-do statues, and good night hugs and kisses. We don't just give and get nothing in return. 

For healthy relationships in a marriage, there is time together, conversation, intimacies in all their variety, dinners, dates, folding laundry together, spring cleaning and repair projects, and so many other things. Good, healthy relationships aren't something that you go 50/50 on. Both people put 100% into their marriage. They constantly show their love, devotion, and loyalty. You give just as much as you are given. 

I saw other critics of this book saying that it shows "perfect altruism," which is "a belief in or practice of disinterest or selfless concern for the well-being of others." That is well and good, in my opinion, for short term relationships or the beginning of relationships. But for long lasting, healthy relationships, this is a horrible idea. This is a way of abuse. If someone were to do this all the time, they would be left with nothing. They would be a heap on the ground, a stump in the dirt, and are then left with the ability to not help anyone at all. This tree is no longer a tree, no longer has apples or branches or trunk. A person isn't a person anymore. All of their once hobbies fade, their longer lasting cheer recedes, and they become hollow and beyond unhappy. 

I would be all for this book being banned because there are so many people who already thing this is okay, "normal," "if I just do a little more..." It's not okay. These are unhealthy relationships that need counseling or to be stopped and ended. 

It's not worth it ladies. 

It's not worth it gents. 

Kids, don't me selfish. Be giving. But also know that self care is important too. Monitoring your own self and not becoming a stump is more important. If you don't, then you will end up with nothing more to really give. 

***

How it should have ended: not using a friend for money or gain, but as he grew older, he could have brought his own children to the tree and let them play in her branches. Then "she was happy." 

The Law of Sarah: A Look Into the Celestial Doctrine of Plural Marriage

 Marriage, relationships, and laws are topics that are discussed all the time, especially in this social/political climate. Often they can cause a lot of strife and tension between communicating parties. Many do not see eye to eye as others people, for good or bad. 

This book is an informative piece on how the Law of Sarah, also known as "plural marriage" or polygamy, is supposed to be done under the Laws of God. Here evidences are given using scripture, General Conference talks, Journal of Discourses, as well as life stories from non-apostolic persons who followed this Law. 

There are many things about polygamy/plural marriage that I didn't understand before I'd read the book. The misconception that it was only for passive women and overbearing, lusty husbands who wanted a haram is often what people instantly assume is wrong. Under God's Law, that is not how it is supposed to be.  It also lists out very plainly the qualifications, accountabilities, responsibilities, and social and economical benefits of living this law. 

The biggest and most comforting things I've found is that it is a Calling from the Prophet. Not everyone will be called to do it, and those who are will be asked by the Spokesmen of God. It's not just something a couple can decide and do on their own, whether or not the husband is pushy toward it. I also like the idea that is brought up that if someone would be gungho to jump into this (lusty idea in tow), that they wouldn't be asked. They would obviously need to work on their own self before adding in another member to their family in such a way. 

I also liked the emphasis on how much God loves His children, His daughters specifically. That potentially do to a lack of worthy men who wouldn't be able to take their wife to the Celestial Kingdom, women are given another choice. Instead of settling with a lowlife or abuser (whom I've seen my fair share of recently), they could join in a family to someone who has already proven themselves to be a good Father, Husband, and Priesthood Holder. When looking for a spouse to claim for eternity, the women "will take a terrible chance" on the man they marry (President Gordon B. Hinkley, April 1998). But in a society that accepts plural marriage, the chances are far less terrible. 

Another part I find comforting is in "The Benefits of Living the Law of Sarah," and how it focuses mostly on the benefits for women. It's important for all sides of this relationship to know what they are getting into, and to see that there are multiple benefits for the ladies involved is comforting. The ones that are listed here are: Personal Liberties, Mental Health, Emotional Strength, Physical Wellbeing, and Spiritual Development. Being a stay at home mom can be rather isolating. Bombarded by homework and tears, or absolute silence for many hours where all I want to do is go back to bed can be exhausting (mentally and physically). But to have someone else around, who is my friend--because who else would I have join in my family for eternity--that I can talk to whenever I want, someone to help with things around the house or who can watch the kids while I go to work or vice versa. The comradery, friendship, and assistance one could get in a world that expects so much out of the "mom"--which honestly no one can live up to that expectation--would be elevating and comforting. 

Plural marriage is an interesting topic that ends up getting people really fired up. Many dislike it, from what I've seen, because of thoughts of potential disloyalty or favoritism. They are valid concerns and come with any relationship, marriage or otherwise. But when all parties put God first, remember always the covenants they made to their spouse and to God, and communicate often and openly with one another in counsels things will work. 

God places laws to help us stay safe, so we can come back to Him, and to help us be happy. This is a Celestial Law, marriage is a Celestial Law, and He wouldn't give us commandments or laws if they weren't for our eternal good. 

Wayside School is Falling Down

This is one of the children's classics that I remember listening when my teachers just could not think of anything else to do with us crazy elementary school kids. 

Wayside School is a school that was built vertically instead of horizontally, like most schools are. At the top of the school on the 30th floor is Mrs. Jewls class with a very interesting assortment of children--as there are in most elementary school classes. These are their silly, punny adventures and the fears that come to life for so many elementary school kids. No one eats the lunch ladies food because it might do things to you, everyone in class keeps calling you the wrong name and you don't have the courage to correct them, picture day and looking weird in a suit, the scary basement in the building, the room/floor that doesn't exist, and that your school might fall down in all the natural disasters you can think of. 

Simply written with a whole cast of characters, this is one that early elementary school kids will enjoy without a doubt, and older kids (ie. adults) can reminisce too. 

I really liked how when we were introduced to someone they weren't just forgotten once "their chapter" was done. Instances and people were reapplied to the story and their quirks helped us remember who they were and the story they belonged in. Even Mrs. Jewls got her chapter, which made my son and I laugh. 

Great simple stories with a light dose of pun that probably escaped me when I was younger, so it was a great read now that I'm not in the second grade. ;)